Dear TikTok Parents of Charlie Angel
Time to Parent Up
Nobody told you to have kids. Hey, I bet people even discouraged you. You did it despite the warnings. You must not have listened when friends told you what crappy parents you’d make; you did the fertility treatments anyway and low and behold — Charlie!
And other than feeding, and clothing him, and packing him off to school, and camp, and every other childcare facility that would take him, you’ve left him on his own to fend for himself.
Thus, Charlie has had to figure out how to be a decent person who actually contributes something to society by the idiots on TikTok, Snapchat, Instagram, and every other social media soul-crushing platform.
Granted, you never should have had him in the first place; 41 is kind of late in the game to be a parent. Perhaps, though you should have disciplined Charlie after the first time he participated in the TikTok “Slap a Teacher Challenge,” in October. So, was it really a surprise when Charlie took on December’s “Flash the Entire School in the Hallway Challenge” and then pushed the Science and Math teacher for good measure?
Lucky for you, Charlie only got five days suspension because you threatened a lawsuit against the school who you claim stood in the way of his freedom of expression. Nice parenting there, by the way.
But, how do you defend Charlie calling Mrs. Calhoun an “old f*cking douchebag” knocking over her tchotchkes atop her desk because she told him to please remain in his seat? What did the old bag ever do to Charlie other than put up with this piece of work also known as your son? (I don’t want to discuss Charlie’s other behavior in her class as it was duly egregious. That report, as you know, is on his permanent school record.)
While the screaming, meltdowns, and tantrums, were possibly understandable when Charlie was a precocious six-year-old boy, ten years have passed and now he’s a teenager! So maybe, just maybe, you should parent up and teach him that tantrums at the age of 16 are not acceptable — especially in the classroom.
Yes, he has been zooming from home for a year and a half and hasn’t been accustomed to being part of our high school community. Still, you should have taught him how to handle his frustration more productively, especially in public. You didn’t. Now, you wonder why Charlie tagged the school over the weekend with “All teachers should be shot,” “Kill the principal,” and “F*ck this shit!”
It seemed that you enjoyed the notoriety when you discovered that his actions went viral on TicToc and Instagram, which signaled NBC Nightly News to cover the story.
I do applaud your ability to engage the judge in your theories of consequentialism and harm-based morality and convince him to send Charlie to Habitat for Humanity in Honduras for a month. It actually did seem that sending him away from the scene of the crime would teach him to take responsibility for his actions. After all, he did come back with some pretty useful skills that came in handy.
After a smooth four weeks of school, it seemed that all was quiet on the western front, with only one fire alarm prank and a minor sexual harassment charge by the gay P.E. teacher who claimed Charlie called her “butch.” Things were looking good.
It appeared that your son had finally matured and learned how to be a decent member of society. That is until he snuck onto campus around midnight and hammered all the classroom doors shut by pounding six-inch nails diagonally along the doorframes. It took the janitors eight hours to lever and twist the 1,456 nail heads out canceling class to the celebration of the student body.
Now, there’s this botched shooter incident which you claim you knew nothing about even though you keep an unlocked cabinet of firearms in the family room right by the big screen TV where Charlie and his friends play countless hours of “Mortal Kombat” and “Medal of Honor.”
You didn’t listen. Yes, you gave him everything he ever wanted (Kudos!), but you didn’t parent up. You never followed through on your duties to teach him right from wrong.
Now with Mrs. Calhoun in the hospital with a wounded leg, I’m not sure how (even with all your lawyering skills) you are going to shift the blame on this one.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Greene
Charlie’s School Counselor and your BFF Class of 1990
(Hey, just doing my job!)
Salem Charter High School
P.S. His final transcripts will be sent in the mail.
Author: Mary Louisa Cappelli is an educator and researcher living in Los Angeles California.
